Lost Scrolls of Lough Key

The Lost Scrolls of Lough Key


Sensational news has broken this week as archaeologists working in Boyle Abbey discovered heretofore unknown scrolls dating back to Roman times. Their contents threaten to re-write history as we know it. The Romans did come to Ireland and what’s more they came to Boyle! This seems to be the experience that convinced them they would be safer to stay in Europe.
These scrolls, which have been dubbed the “lost scrolls of Lough Key” due to references of the lake within them, contain an indepth description of the Roman advance to Boyle and their subsequent battles with the local Irish defenders. Our notions of the invention of soccer and it’s birth in Boyle will also be turned upside down as the scrolls describe a battle involving two sides and a ball.
Following painstaking translation of the ancient text Realboyle provides a selection of the texts for readers. Some of the characters mentioned are vaguely familiar and one wonders if maybe their descendants could be found in Boyle today. The names are all described in Roman text just as they were recorded. The Gaelic versions are uncertain as they were not recorded.
54 A.D. (approx)

Caius Dunzius was the mightiest soldier, the strongest, bravest patrician in Rome. The Romans were at war with the Hibernians (Irish). Their army lay encamped round about Boili in north western Hibernia, the capital of the land ruled by the Overus Fortius clan. They were led by a bloodthirsty, barbarian known to the Romans as Jiminus Feighanus. Jiminus was held in the highest regard by his people and his warriors but was hated by the Romans as they could not defeat him. They could not gain control of Hibernia unless they defeated Jiminus.
To achieve this, Conroius, the Roman general, divided his army into two parts. He himself with one half of the troops would attack from the north and the other half led by Caius Dunzius to attack from the south. For 7 seven years they attacked, chased and desperately tried to defeat Jiminus and his Overus Fortius clan. The Romans grew frustrated as Jiminus and his men would not come out into open battle but instead hid in the woods and bogs and ambushed the romans when they could.
General Conroius was tired of trying to get the Overus Fortius clan to fight his mighty legions and one night he called Caius Dunzius and the other centurions to his war counsel to hatch a cunning plan. They first decided to go to a lonely place, where they could think and plan in secret, how best to tempt the Overus Fortius out of their lair. They met together on the shores of Lough Key, discussing plans and ideas, their hearts becoming hard and bitter as they loved to fight and they thought Jiminus and his men were cowards. The plan was agreed and everyone returned to camp.
One night a dark figure stole through the hideout of the Overus Fortius, to the tent of the leader Jiminus. A great campfire blazed outside. Little did they know that this stranger was their hated enemy, the man who had harried them for 7 years General Conroius. He entered the camp of Jiminus, and going straight to the heart of it, where a bright fire was burning, sat down beside it and covered his face with his cloak. This he did because in those days the fire was a sacred thing, and anyone who sat by the fire, no matter how great an enemy he might be, was safe from all harm.
Jiminus was at supper in the tent when the servants told him of the strange man who sat by the fire with his face hid in his cloak. Jiminus at once came out to see. When he entered Conroius uncovered his face, and the two looked at each other for a time in silence. The Roman was the first to speak:
'Jiminus, you know me well; I have been no friend to you, and your country-men fear my name. But now I come to do you a service and make peace.' On hearing this Jiminus gladly welcomed his strange guest, and in a little while General Conroius began to explain his offer to resolve the conflict. He proposed a match up of five of the finest Roman soldiers against five of Jiminus’ best warriors. The combatants would use only swords and shields to defend themselves and would kick a pigs bladder toward each others appointed marker to register a score. The winner would be the first to score 20 times or have all five of their warriors killed. If the Romans lost they would retreat to Brittania and leave the Overus Fortius people in peace. If the Hibernians lost they would surrender all of their lands to Rome. Jiminus decided he would need 30 days to consider the offer and discuss it with his lieutenants.
Mickus Dowdus was a most trusted confidant and advisor of Jiminus. He pleaded with him not to accept the challenge as the Romans were too strong. Christus Grehanus was a fiery character and he said he couldn’t wait to tackle the Romans. After much deliberation, Jiminus agreed to the match up and sent word to General Conroius. The battle would take place on the Roman day of the dead, October 31st. A level piece of ground close to the river Boili was selected and marked. Jiminus requested that Mickus Dowdus be appointed as judge and the romans agreed.
For the Romans, 4 of the finest men from the 30th legion were selected, Fergalus Quinnus, Gerdus Mullus, Jonus Moorus and Kevus Hickus. The jewel in their crown however was the mighty Caius Dunzius. He was lightning fast, brave as a lion and the finest swordsman in Europe but 4 feet tall. This mattered none though as Dunzius was the roman hero and all the men followed him into any battle, confident that he would win the day. The Overus Fortius warriors came forward. Christus Grehanus, their champion, followed by two giants, Dougus Roddus and Tomus Gallarus, with Machalus Seniorus and lastly a strange half-man / half-bird creature called Turkeyus Emmettus. Turkeyus had great skill but was getting old and very slow. He was first to die from a mighty blow delivered by Hickus.
Dunzius moved like a gazelle and had the Romans 19 scores to none within a few hours. It looked like all was lost for the Overus Fortius. As Dunzius moved to gather the pigs bladder for the final assault, Dowdus poured poison on it before he released it. The poison stung Dunzius in the eyes and he tripped and fell onto his own sword. As he lay dying on the battle-field, the Romans cried foul to Jiminus. Dowdus admitted his treachery and the battle was postponed. The Romans were lost without Dunzius. Realizing that his men did not want to continue, General Conroius proposed that both sides withdraw to bury their dead and consider their options. As they mourned Dunzius, he realised that his conquest of Hibernia was over. His men no longer had any interest in the place so they withdrew to Brittania.
The unfinished match up and the treachery that led to it, left the area of Boili with a legacy. The ghost of Dunzius is said to patrol the level piece of ground and every October 31st the clash of swords can be heard as he re-enacts the battle. A small 4 foot figure can be seen moving around what is now the Boyle Celtic pitch. He has been seen there at all hours of the night by many people. It’s said his ghost will never rest until the match is completed.......

Tribute to Yeats

Boyle Celtic 2 – Yeats United 0

Sunday 9th of November 2008 saw Boyle Celtic travel to Yeats Utd in Carney village near Lissadel, the well known hangout of the great man himself. What better way to report on the victory than a report in verse as a tribute to W.B. and his work.

We arose and went, to Yeats back yard,
Knowing full well, this match would be hard.
And so it proved, in the worst of weather,
But Sean Kerins men, got it together.

We started well, and built from the back,
Purcell’s magic showing Digger’s lack.
McHale and Raymie would start to roll,
And set John Maughan on his way to goal

One on one, John will rarely miss,
And the build-up created, a chance like this,
He took the shot, and in it flew.
Celtic winning and the crowd yahoos.

The rest of the half, was pretty scrappy,
But manager kerins, seemed quite happy.
Our lads were giving, their one and all,
John Connolly fighting for every ball.

Mckillen was good, McHale was immense,
Dunzey hard-working but not making sense.
The ref blew his whistle, half-time in the fray,
The lads now wondering what Kerins would say.

Part two of the contest, began like the first,
Purcell dominating, but dying of thirst.
He slightly regretted, lastnights feed of ale,
But he needn’t have worried, because we had McHale.

Raymie Maughan was rising, like Zeus on a cloud,
His towering headers, getting yahoos from the crowd.
In the blink of an eye, John Maughan was felled.
Penalty for Boyle, the referee yelled.

This was it surely, we’re going two up!
You wouldn’t believe it, Maughan slipped up.
Save from the keeper, it remained at one nil
Yeats’ men were fading but could boyle make the kill?

Come on! Shouted corrigan, McKillen took heed,
He drove through defenders, like a gorilla on speed.
Foul cried the ref, and a penalty to boot.
John Maughan stepped forward to give it the boot.

No mistake this time, back of the net
Now for the victory, Boyle Celtic were set.
A great team performance, all gave their best.
Celtic the winners, now the ‘lourg for a rest.